So MUCH has been written about this subject already in the blogging world that it’s almost a cliche now. Not going to lie, most of the posts that I have read on this topic, have been rather…well judgmental to say the least and completely turned me off.
I applaud the people who can come right out and say they won’t even consider dating anyone with debt because it would be a burden to them somehow. This kind of honesty takes guts. It also makes you ignorant beyond belief.
It’s no secret that I have debt. It’s also no secret that I’m doing as much as I can to get out of it.
Should I be looked down upon and thought less of for taking out student loans to obtain a Bachelor and Post-Bachelor Degree in the hopes of attaining a good career but graduate with $45,000+ in student loan debt? I sure hope not. But I know some do.
Now when it comes to dating, my debt had never affected any previous relationship before. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, it had never even been brought up in conversation. Until I met J.
We’ve all heard the statistics that a whopping 50% of marriages end up failing with money being the number one cause of divorce.
So then I wonder, why aren’t more people talking openly and honestly about finances with their S.O.?
For myself personally, I know it’s because I was in financial denial. I could not fully “comprehend” the insane amount I owed and chose to believe that my debt would all be paid off “one day” rather than smarten up and worry about paying it off now. I couldn’t even “talk” about my own debt with myself, never mind another person.
Then I met J. On our first couple of dates, he was trying to “woo” me and the closest we ever came to talking about money, finance, or debt was when he offered to pay for the whole bill. What a gentleman right? After a few more dates, he did causally mentioned that he had a passionate interest in finance and that it was very important for him to live a modest lifestyle so he could save for retirement. Right away, warning alarms rang loud and clear in my head. Did I really want to date a guy who was basically self-proclaiming to be a cheapo lol? Would he judge me for living a life that wasn’t very modest? What would he think of my debt?
I will keep private what happened between us after I broke the news of my debt.
Instead I will tell you where we are now after him knowing my dirty little secret. Obviously J doesn’t like my debt but he knows that it is my debt and that I am giving it 110% of my effort in paying it off as soon as possible. J is my biggest supporter when it comes to this blog. As I mentioned on my DEBT page, he was the one who encouraged me to start this blog to tell my story and share my journey of becoming debt-free. On a daily basis, we talk about money openly and since he is so good with his finances, he’s always giving me tips on how to be smarter with mine.
Dating with debt is not easy. Doing anything with debt is difficult since it’s like this dark cloud constantly looming, threatening to rain down hard at any moment. For anyone out there who has debt, and is afraid to tell their S.O. about it, I say don’t be afraid. Just do it. If he/she is
not a douche the right one, they will understand and not judge. They might even be able to help somehow. Hopefully this post wasn’t too “Oprah Winfrey” for you all
Thank you for letting me
vent share my view on this topic.